Collective shame

When I started the project about menstruation, I was surprised to find it so difficult. I had to overcome my own barriers, that were firmly entrenched in me, as in every other menstruating being from young age. I remember the primary school talk about the menstruation. They have sent the boys in a different classroom, so they didn’t have to listen about menstruation. That was the first signal that menstruation is a well-known shameful secret.

My first memory on menstruation goes back to when I was 6-7 years old. I have heard the word menstruation and I wondered what it means. I've decided to ask my mother about it over a family lunch. Her reply was: „That is something all women have, but we do not speak about it.” And with that, the topic was closed.

Soon I’ve learned that menstruation is a disgusting and shameful process, and it is better not to speak about it. Usually, we use the terminology that will cover the shame and censor our own natural body function, that gives a humankind the possibility to exist. The terms like “being Ill, Surfing the Crimson wave, that time of the month, Aunt Flo (to name just a few)” serve as another prove that we should avoid menstruation as far as we can. The problem is that it is leaking right out of me.

But that is not the worst thing about menstruating- the shame and disgust. Today, menstruation is used as a base for discrimination (she/he is unstable because she/he menstruates), and to add a bit more of the perspective about our attitude towards menstruation- menstrual hygiene products are in some countries still taxed as luxury items (the same tax applies to alcohol, cigarettes, and jewelry). To conclude, menstruation is something shameful and disgusting, and can be used against you and question your mental stability, but at the same time you are expected to pay the luxury price of hiding it away from public eye.

My first insight and step in this research was my first performance. I have decided to buy my first pair of white trousers and allow myself to leak freely on them, while walking around Coventry city center. While I was walking around, I have heard some voices behind me saying: „Does that girl have period on her pants? ‟ And when I stopped, a young woman approached me, feeling ashamed instead of me, to tell me I have a leak on my pants. But before I could start talking to her, she turned around and left, as if she would not want to be seen talking to a woman with a menstruation leak on her pants. But she was somehow connected to my shame, that is why she approached me. The same day, my friend who works in a pub near our university, told me that there was a group of women who came into the pub, and they were talking about a girl with white pants and period leak on them. They were talking how ashamed they felt for me, and how they would not want that to happen to them.

That is when I discovered, we all share the shame surrounding menstruation. We feel it so deeply, that we feel ashamed for another person in this situation, because we understand the shame, we experienced it ourselves. Throughout history and still active shame that is rooted so deeply in the society, connects us into Collective shame.